SMJ Illustrations and Writing is here to fascinate and innovate through freelance imagery and words.
Programmed from Pain
My name is Aimee…no. It used to be my name. I go by AU now. I'm what you would call an android, a robot…a machine. But I have feelings like humans do…though there are days I wish I didn't. Every time I stare at my vanity mirror, I'm reminded that I hate myself. How identical the creators made us yet with a specific flaw that may be their downfall. I wish that I wasn't manufactured. I can still remember the day it happened…
I remember how the hostess known as Lola presented us as synthetic “entertainers", all lined up in a row for a single male client like any other day. Like every other person, he examined carefully to see if he was paying for a high-quality product…at least that's what we're called. The way he stared at me with a dark hunger wasn't surprising but made my manager quiver so slightly. That's when she knew I was up…again.
“What makes this one different?”
“Aimee here can adapt perfectly to every ‘game' you want to play. Unlike our other femmes, she's practically made to be desperate to please.”
It didn't take long for him to choose, giving Lola a briefcase and yanking me by the wrist to the nearest suite. He must've paid a large sum for a room fit for a king and a large rotating bed. He pushed me onto it with a wicked smile on his face. It’s just another day for a fembot like me.
“So, you're the type for anything depraved, huh? Prepare to beg me never to stop because we're doing everything. You got that, pet?”
“Of course, Master. Do whatever you'd like.”
His chuckle of approval would make me scared today, but at the moment, it was nothing new. He ripped off his coat and shirt just like an animal would a doll, an apt comparison since he lunged at me and pinned me to the bed. I can still feel his large smooth hand on my neck as his other arm snaked around my thigh. The way he gnawed at my lips…It wasn't like the others…it felt horrifying. I've done it many times before, but this man made me feel small, weak…scared.
I don't even remember doing it, but I saw I pressed my hands against his bare chest to push him away. That was a mistake. His eyes turned from light blue to cold black in an instant.
“What do you THINK you're doing?”
“Master, please be aware that other clients choose me, so I must remain pristine. If you damage me, you will be fined and-"
“You think I care about fines or your ‘condition'? Your client is me! You have no say in this, you tin can!”
Instantly the man slapped me across the face with no hesitation; for the first time I think I twitched in…fear. Either way, I felt no pain. He then growled as he attempted to remove his pants, disgusted he rushed into what could be even more dangerous. “Do what the Master says and take whatever I give you. And make sure you moan and scream for help, it just makes me want to hurt you more. Not like it would matter to a disgusting plaything like you.”
With a sinister laugh, the client clutched at my waist and flipped me onto my abdomen. I can feel the bed sink with his weight as he loomed over me with lust and rage ready to “play". Then I remembered. All the humans that rented me. All the deplorable acts they performed on and with me. This was no different…so why did I feel twisted up inside? Why did I have to feel fear when I wasn't meant to? When I didn't want to?
Just before he could…start, I quickly rolled over and kicked him, but he only staggered back a few inches and was already flaring his nostrils. I had to stand up for myself, jumping off the bed and holding my stance.
“You stupid bitch! I paid good money for a night to do whatever I wanted. You're supposed to be programmed to take it and love it!”
“…No…”
“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”
“I…Said…NOOOO!”
I closed my eyes and screamed as loud as I could, knowing no one was going to save a robot like me. I expected him to rush after me to dent my face, but that was when I saw it. The man was trapped in a red bubble, floating and eerily silent. It was unbelievable. I walked up to it observing how amazing it was. I couldn't resist the need to touch it. However, it popped immediately, dropping him to the ground. He couldn’t even look at me properly, lost to what he had experienced.
“Oh god…all those shocks…my body feels so much pain…why did that woman want to use those spiked paddles? We are…evil.”
I couldn't believe it. Those were my memories. I recalled all the pain I've experienced since I was shipped here. Did I do this? Did I make the bubble transfer those memories? I knew then it wasn't smart to stick around to ask.
Not wasting a minute, I ran out of the suite and out of the building, not even acknowledging the confused shouts from Lola or the rain that had just started pouring. Who knows how far my legs took me, but it was enough to find myself alone in an alleyway frightened and dumbfounded. I leaned against the steel wall holding myself to calm down, but nothing made sense anymore. I was alone…waiting to shut down…
“Excuse me?”
I jumped when I heard a sweet voice call out, especially when it was obvious we were the only ones for miles. She was wearing a strangely ornate helmet and a modified nun's habit. Who is this human, I thought?
“You look lost. Not often an android appears to fit the weather: dark and depressed. Can I be of help?”
“Get away…I'm…a freak.”
“…You are a special soul in an unexpected vessel. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Come with me, we can provide you a place to stay if that’s what you’d like.”
The young lady confidently stepped towards me and reached out to guide me. What did I have to lose?
“My name is Lovelace. What's yours?”
“A…AU.”
I don't dwell on the past, but it led to me being who I am today: someone who will keep all androids safe from humans…no matter what. My allies don't like how I treat the humans I trap and torture with my developing powers, but they don't know what it's like for robots, and they never will.
Chance Encounter
“Your Highness? May I have this dance?”
An overly eager voice breaks Saria out of her boredom, forcing her vision to adjust. A man with an eyesore of a purple tuxedo and lightly groomed features appeared, thrusting his hand out to her. Just one glance at him screams elitist deviant, and in a sea of ignorant rich people, this one is as forgettable.
“I’m sorry, but I have to decline the offer.”
The man's kind eyes turn sour at her answer, suppressing his anger by storming into the crowd. To Saria, this is predictable. A person would ask to do something, she would say no, and their true colors emerge through passive-aggressive actions. Never a sense of honesty in them, a princess would always know.
The night has only begun, and Saria is tired of watching her parents discuss the latest politics with the lords and ladies that gathered around them. She couldn't even see them learning what goes on in this kingdom. They perform the utmost duties, while their daughter fights off advances motivated by avarice. The stifled tick to tuck her ivory lock of hair behind her ear into waves of ebony made her uncomfortable in the lavishly lit ballroom. She has to escape.
Just before another “suitor” can approach her, the princess calmly walks away from her spot against the purple wall to follow a servant carrying a tray of champagne. The stone-faced woman looks back with confusion, turning around eerily smoothly.
“Your Highness? Would you like a drink?”
“No, thank you… I have a bit of a headache. Can you direct me to somewhere private? Please?”
The princess’ eyes keep their gaze as her head turns downward, hoping to appeal to the attendant’s inner kindness. A trick that works its magic once again. With an understanding smile, the woman signals Saria to follow her out into the hall as the last drink on her tray disappears into the hands of a faceless guest. This mansion is too gaudy for her tastes, adorned with paintings and busts that meant nothing except reputation. To think the workers have to be reminded of whom they work for.
The kind woman stops at a glass door and opens it for the princess.
“The balcony, Your Highness. The most secluded area of the estate.”
“Thank you so much. If it’s not too much to ask, don't tell anyone I'm here.”
“But the King and Queen-?”
“Only if they ask.”
More than grateful, Saria gently bows to her new ally and steps outside to gaze at her surroundings. The moonlight shines down at her and the marble platform as if the gods understand her plight. The spotlight she wants. As she walks toward the railing, she can see the nearby village of Amethystia, dark as the night sky save for the flickering of lanterns. The howling winds can't disguise the cries of those less fortunate down there… and yet the privileged ignore it, no problem.
“...vultures… to think this is my future…” Saria mutters, releasing her bottled-up anger. She can barely stand the heels she's wearing, as they dig into her pudgy feet and ache her soles. Now alone with the door muffling all annoyances, she kicks them off and slides them to the side to let the cool floor soothe her. If only she could do the same for her dress. Her sleeveless black gown suffocated her all evening with its high waist pressing against her plump belly. At least her chest had room to breathe with the vertical slit. “Whoever said dressing up and parties are the best part of being a princess are strongly disillusioned.”
"You know, if you stand out here any longer, you’ll catch a cold. Your feet will be the least of your problems."
A voice emerges from the shadows. Frightened, Saria backs away from the edge to search for the source. Her eyes try to adjust to the darkness but start to sting thanks to her weak eyes. A dangerous weakness when alone… along with morbid curiosity.
"Show yourself, and I'll lighten your punishment."
The mystery person chuckles at her remark. Brave soul for taking her threats lightly.
The figure steps away from the corner, making Saria’s breath stop. He is extremely handsome, with medium-length dark hair and fair skin. Unlike all the guests who bore violet, he was the only one wearing a black tuxedo with a sapphire bolo tie. His eyes are as dark as the sky, but the shape of his irises is that of keyholes.
The princess shakes her head to regain her sanity. Looks shouldn't matter at a time like this no matter how mesmerizing a person is.
"Forgive me, I didn’t mean to startle you."
“You've failed at doing so… how did you know I was here?”
“I didn’t. I prefer the solitude of the stars rather than the boisterous crowds.”
Saria raises her brow at his words but is thankful she isn't the only one who thinks the same. She still holds firm as the man stands beside her, staring at the city ahead.
“It aches? To hear the innocents, cry out for food and light? The agony that goes on every night, yet we are here gorging ourselves on imported food and wine.”
“No question about it. But we’re taking strides to make it less so. It just takes all of us to have it work.”
“Heh, an optimistic woman you are...maybe you can do something with that mindset of yours.”
The princess stares at her companion with shining intrigue. She couldn't read his personality like she did with the people inside, yet she sensed he was a different sort. Someone with an actual heart to go with his title, whatever it is. Names don't mean much now, not until she learns more.
"I'm sorry if I seemed rude at first. These parasites make it difficult for me to socialize."
The stranger's brows furrow with concern. With genuine concern, he rests his velvet-gloved hand on hers, smiling as he looks at her.
"No need for apologies. From what I hear, your family reputation proceeds you. Princess Saria Kaie, Descendent of the God of Death. The fact that these blubbering fools still believe in gods and are inconsiderate to your family is deplorable. They don’t take the time to know who you are."
"That's me, the beautiful Onyxian heiress to the throne. Treat me like a trophy instead of a human being, please! It’s exhausting…at least my parents understand."
“What about your friends?”
“None that don't work for my parents…”
Saria wants to hide her cheeks, red, and eyes glossy. She should be wary of revealing herself to a stranger at a party away from her home, yet she feels more support and kindness than ever. The man turns and cups her burning cheek, locking his gaze to speak.
"I may not know you, but I’m perceptive to know that you’re a gem that deserves proper attention. Your name is just the shell, but inside? I only assume there’s so much more, and few are worthy to see it..."
The princess’ body is weak at his words, while hers is lost. "My apologies, Your Highness. I-"
"You can call me Saria. Since you haven’t given me a reason to throw you off this balcony, you should learn that I hate it when people call me Your Highness."
"People should have the decency to call you by your name. It couldn’t be more exquisite. If only this wasn’t the only time a humble lord like me could have the opportunity to learn about the real you..."
As he spoke, the man inches closer, his warmth dominating her skin. Saria can't move. Her lips grow dry and her heartbeats skip. All the two can do is stare at each other and just...
"SARIA!"
A man with peppered hair and a beard down to his neck loudly entered the terrace, panicked when he spotted the young woman. She pulls away from the stranger, afraid of what's to come.
"F-Father! I'm sorry! I just needed to get away for some air and-!"
"Honey, it's all right. I'm thankful you told the servant where you were, but we’re worried sick. We’re preparing to leave." The king glares at the dark companion, uncomfortable with the distance between him and his daughter. With his arm stretching out, her body finds the energy to hurry toward him. With an uneasy sadness, Saria can't help but turn to say goodbye to her enigma.
"I never caught your name. Calling you 'Stranger' isn't proper manners."
"Hehe, until we meet again, you may call me Sol, Saria...Your Majesty." Sol sweetly bows as the royals exit the balcony. To leave the manor was what she desired, but now her thoughts are to the memory of the one called Sol...
Kitten and Bear
There once was a little village at the edge of a forest. In this village was a little kitten strolling along the cobblestone roads. She is a comfortable cat, smiling wide as the inhabitants handed her everything from fatty fish to twinkly toys. She never had to catch the local mice that scurried about either, that’s how pampered this creature was.
One day, the kitten grows bored of her home and decides to do something different. She faces the tree line that borders the town, curious what's behind it. The feline makes her way deeper and deeper with an adorable pounce, surrounded by nothing but green and brown blurs. It was only when she was in the heart of the forest, “I don’t know how to get home…” The poor child couldn’t hold back her tears, as she sunk to the dirt and mewled out her cries.
Then, with a thunderous roar, the poor creature finds herself before a giant bear standing on its legs ready to devour. The kitten accepts her fate as she lets out one last scream. But the bear didn’t eat her. He stared at this tiny visitor, unsure what to think first. Gently, the giant picks up the cat by her neck and lumbers forward. All the feline could do was close her eyes and await her fate.
After a while, the cat opened her eyes to see her home before her as the night sky was above. The bear had delivered her when he could’ve taken her for his stomach. Tired and confused, she knew she had to see her acquaintance again.
The next day, the kitty ran through the village and straight into the woods down to the same spot she was before, hoping she would get lucky. Shockingly enough, she was! For the bear had just arrived carrying a bushel of berries. The cat jumps joyfully and hugs his bulky leg, forgetting her fear of him a day ago. Meanwhile, the bear couldn’t help but let out a tiny blush, finding this furball too cute to be true. He brings the berries to the ground, nudging them towards his new companion. Surprised, the feline took some with her, even if her claws made her stain her paws-, while her friend took his share by the mouthful. A peaceful time in the woods, indeed.
As the days went by, the kitty and the bear spent as much time together. In their little spot, they feasted on treats they brought from their homes, the little cat would share the ways of her village, and the bear would tell strange tales of the forest’s past. It was a respite for both creatures, but something bothered the feline: the bear never talked about his personal life. She didn’t want to interrupt the fun, but they had to have gotten close enough to understand each other...were they?
Sometime after, the cat grew the courage to ask her friend what he was hiding. She waited at their spot, but the bear never came...but she wasn’t letting her bravery go to waste. For the first time, the kitty ventures past the clearing, deeper into the verdant lands of the unknown. It didn’t take long, as the familiar roars of her fluffy friend...along with others. There were four bears with him, two older, one much older, and one younger. Her bear defended the smaller one from a big male bear and the elderly one, while the big female one just stood by doing nothing. It looks like a family argument gone wrong at least that’s what the cat could assume. Either way, it’s terrifying to watch and hear.
The big angry bear stands tall, claws slashing her friend’s face, while the old bear roars cruel-sounding nonsense. This was something that couldn't stand. With a slam of her paw, the kitten leaps towards the Ursa family, gnawing at the attacker’s leg but to no avail. It was only a few seconds before she realized that nothing was happening. Even more strange, her bear friend didn’t have any scars. She was left with a blank look on her face. Swiftly, the bear took his little ones away, back to the meadow where it was safe.
After catching his breath, he explained to the cat that his family was not as kind as those in her village. They asked for too much of him and his cub sister spat cruel remarks for no reason, and despite their pride always put them in danger. He didn’t want to expose his naive and genuine friend to something that could chase her away. The kitten, though not ever having something like this happen before, understood the reasoning he had. She wasn’t sure a big strong forest-dweller like him would be friends with a mild-mannered feline. He would grow bored of her stories and leave her to the elements. But despite the fear, she didn’t care about that. She stood on her legs to pat her friend’s head, letting him know that no matter what, she would always be there for him. As for his sister, she gives her the same motion, as she would love to be friends with her too.
After that day, the young bears and the kitty had their days in the meadow, not forgetting their worries, but giving them the joy to balance them out. In time, they will grow the courage to leave their homes for a place of their own; one where they won’t suffer hardship or stay stagnant forever. Until that day, they will rejoice in the tales they tell and the feelings they share…
The End